Alternian Twitterbeasts
by grievousGrimalkin
Summary: You're Dave Strider. You've hatched a plot to prank Karkat and damn, does it feel good. Oneshot. Implied blackrom!DaveKat, RoseNaya, DaveRezi, AND Dersecest. M for swearing, explicit depiction of masturbation, and some stuff that could be construed as dubcon.


You are now Dave Strider.

You and Karkat have been pranking each other for months now. Ever since the incident with Rose's book, you've been basically fucking with each other nonstop. He's been making this be about Terezi, which is fine with you. She's a choice girl, and you do kinda like her and are ok with Karkat trying to fight you over her and any interest she may have in you, even though as far as you can tell, she's otherwise occupied. At this point though, this particular prank is mostly just because you're bored.

Thinkin' about Terezi's helping things along. You are a sucker for some good tongue. You lick your lips and stroke a bit harder. Oh yeah, that's what you're doing; you might want to clarify for everybody:

Basically, your plan is to rub one out all over Karkat's head.

Yep.

That'll get him.

Dunno why. You're bored, horny, and it seems like a good idea to up the pranking ante. Your last attempt to get a rise out of Karkat just resulted in a firm papping from the Mayor and a stint in can-jail after you both aggressively tried to outdo each other building Can Town. Basically, you knocked over Karkat's ill-conceived can-skyscraper all over the Mayor's newly dedicated can-hospital and killed thousands of infirm can-people.

You're currently floating, propped between two beams on the ceiling, jerking your cock as quietly as possible until Karkat comes along. You hear footsteps coming up the hall, but the cadence is all wrong. It sounds like two people, and one of them is offbeat as fuck. Rose and Kanaya, for sure. Drunk as shit, and it's not even noon...though noon's not really a thing out there...but you're a Time player, and it's just whatever the fuck time you say it is.

Hell, sometimes you still think about Rose too, when you're goin' at it. Yeah, she's apparently your sister, but for the longest time she wasn't...plus, she's got fine legs...Hella fine. Also, you're kinda curious how that lesbian troll-vamp sex works since that's apparently a thing that's started happening, and you think that mystery's pretty hot...

By the time Rose and Kanaya have passed your hideout, thinking about them doin' their thing's got you pretty much raring to go, and it's just a matter of edging until the asshole gets here. You know he'll be along soon. It's lunch time, and you're in the hallway outside of the place where you guys usually eat.

If he gets all offended about this particular thing, you think you'll get all "Hey Karkat, am I doin' it right?" and throw him some bullshit about how you're trying to understand his troll hate-relationship thing better, since, if anything, that guy needs to get his relationship bullshit fucking sorted because, god, is he a tightass, and maybe, on some level, you'd be cool with doin' a quadrant thing...maybe?... Your dick stiffens unexpectedly at the thought...

Nah...

You stroke idly, staying hard and staying close until you hear the familiar stomping of a huge asshole coming down the hall. As he approaches, you float down cautiously to make your aim easier, jerking a little more vigorously to bring yourself to your edge and stay as silent as possible. When he's right below you, you cum with a little grunt, unable to suppress the noise as you milk out your load.

Karkat looks up at the sound...

Aaaaand splat, right between those angry little eyes of his. The troll immediately starts screaming.

"OH MY GOD, YOU IMMENSE FUCKING DOUCHE! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME, YOU LEVITATING ASSHOLE?" he shouts, reaching up and trying to smear your spunk off his face. He scrapes a glob of cum out of his right eye, looks back up at you with his left, as you laugh too hard to do much besides float down for a landing with your cock still hanging out of your pants. After a few seconds, he starts laughing... That's unexpected.

"OH MY GOD, STRIDER, ARE YOU SERIOUS?" he chokes out. "THAT'S PATHETIC. ALTERNIAN TWITTERBEASTS _SHIT_ MORE THAN THAT!" He turns around, still laughing and heads back toward his room, presumably to wash off.

A little stunned, you stand in the hall staring after him, almost forgetting that your dick's still out. You're more than a little offended; that was actually a pretty substantial load for you, and he called it small? You grimace a little, sigh, and sheathe your still-hard cock properly in your Knight pants. That did not go as planned...

At least, YOU were impressed...

Oh well. You decide you can't do much else besides head to lunch with the girls.

You get yourself some shitty coffee to wake back up. You usually get groggy after you cum.

You take a seat opposite Rose and try some of the sandwiches she and Kanaya put out... Considering that one chef was drunk and the other's only been making human food for a few months, they could have fucked up a PB&J more than they did. All-told, you could probably still kill Egbert with one of these, so they're passable.

You finish a sandwich and listen to the girls chat more, Rose slurring drunkenly into her own sandwich and Kanaya trying her hardest to keep jelly off of Rose's godhood.

Just when you think, "Man, Karkat's taking awhile," Rose suddenly looks up, and her mouth drops open, an entire chunk of sandwich falling all over her choice lap. Kanaya starts glowing intensely and covers her eyes.

You turn around.

There's Karkat, a slimy red tentacle hanging out of his pants and a bucket in his hands. The bucket doesn't look heavy until you watch the way he heaves it up before he dumps the pail's entire contents all over you, coating you in a sticky red slurry.

"TRY THAT LOAD ON FOR SIZE, FUCKASS."


End file.
